The teenager is alive and well, and loving travelling. Already regretting taking so many clothes - I did wonder how she would go with that as her case only just closed with my careful folding, and having been witness for years to her preference for the 'floordrobe' technique, I did wonder how she'd manage. Her solution? Less than a week into it and she is already posting clothes home.
I was surprised with how gutted I felt to say goodbye, after quietly counting the days until I could come home to a tidy house, less trips to the supermarket, and all those late night pick-up/drop-offs. It is quiet, and she leaves an enormous hole, but she does email and text regularly, and I am happy for her. I have stayed incredibly busy, and suspect it hasn't fully sunk in yet, but I am enjoying the tidier house, and look forward to having a bit more time for myself - and maybe even a bit of a love-life again!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
On letting go
A short time ago I watched my daughter's plane take off. She is off on a big adventure, away maybe for up to five months, and I am a mess. I keep thinking about nineteen years ago, to the day she was born, and I cannot believe we are here already.
A longer post when I am more collected.
Xx Sunday
A longer post when I am more collected.
Xx Sunday
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
The show's on the road...
A short update as I am so sick this week, not exactly brilliant timing as my show opens in a few days. I have been going to bed early, consuming vast quantities of soup but still I am coughing and croaking, wheezing and sneezing.
The paintings have been collected and are on their way to another city and the studio walls look so bare! Already there has been some interest in the work, and one has been pre-sold already, a good start.
I have shelved the date dilemma for now, but for future reference welcome any opinions on date etiquette re paying for (expensive!) dinners.
Sniffily,
Sunday
The paintings have been collected and are on their way to another city and the studio walls look so bare! Already there has been some interest in the work, and one has been pre-sold already, a good start.
I have shelved the date dilemma for now, but for future reference welcome any opinions on date etiquette re paying for (expensive!) dinners.
Sniffily,
Sunday
Friday, June 19, 2009
Third (and final?) date
Oy vey. I am in my last days of painting before the work is picked up for the show, exhausted from going to openings every night this week (fun!) and The Third Date with the cute, interesting, stable man. On the first date he paid for dinner, and the second he went to, but I offered, and did, and now on our third dinner date, he went to pay but I sensed some hesitancy, so fumbled for my wallet, put out my credit card (I seriously hope my bank manager is not reading this!), and suggested we went halves. I thought he might say no, but he didn't. This is after me answering all his questions about the art world, how it's like being paid once a year, and so usually pretty tough just before a show. So he knows I'm an artist, single mother, without any support from my ex, and he can well afford to pay.
On top of all this I'm just not feeling the 'chemistry' kicking in. I got a quick peck on the cheek before he rushed off to catch the last train. I'm wondering if he's looking for a wife replacement, forgotten how to date, or just plain stingy? And I'm remembering how much fun I had when I was seeing The Younger Man - casual dinners at the local pub, with lots of fun and passion! Yes we’ve had great food and wines, but not a lot else. I want someone who makes me catch my breath when I see them, who makes me wild with desire, someone who I miss, and can’t wait to see again. I’m not sure where to go from here, but I suspect it’s the thanks but it’s just not working for me line.
I had a small melt-down yesterday, ruined one painting, and painted out another, I'm not sure if I'm being too critical, but I really want my dealer to like and believe in the new work. Being in another city they've only seen images so far. I still have enough work, but it would be nice to have enough that I could be more selective about what hangs.
Back to the brushes.
On top of all this I'm just not feeling the 'chemistry' kicking in. I got a quick peck on the cheek before he rushed off to catch the last train. I'm wondering if he's looking for a wife replacement, forgotten how to date, or just plain stingy? And I'm remembering how much fun I had when I was seeing The Younger Man - casual dinners at the local pub, with lots of fun and passion! Yes we’ve had great food and wines, but not a lot else. I want someone who makes me catch my breath when I see them, who makes me wild with desire, someone who I miss, and can’t wait to see again. I’m not sure where to go from here, but I suspect it’s the thanks but it’s just not working for me line.
I had a small melt-down yesterday, ruined one painting, and painted out another, I'm not sure if I'm being too critical, but I really want my dealer to like and believe in the new work. Being in another city they've only seen images so far. I still have enough work, but it would be nice to have enough that I could be more selective about what hangs.
Back to the brushes.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Another date
A short update as it's been a busy week. Only two weeks to my exhibition and I am still finishing a couple of paintings. The carriers know me well, and ask, somewhat nervously, "are they dry?" I've been short-listed for another prize, and got a small bit in the paper. I think the magazine feature comes out soon as well, so it's been great timing! Now I just need a few sales, I think my dealer is a bit unsure of the new work, despite the critical thumbs-up.
The teenager's departure for The Big Trip looms scarily near, and there seems to have been all sorts of mayhem in between.
HOWEVER! I did squeeze in another date, a second date, and I am still interested. Why this is happening to me I cannot fathom; we're talking about an interesting, intelligent and attractive man who has a good job, a nice car and a nice house (I gather) AND a holiday house! I am usually attracted to the mildly bad boys, or the ones that seem not that interested. Still, it's all going slowly but steadily, and he is growing on me. Strangely we are both a bit nervous, but at least can laugh about it. And he wants to take me away once I've got the show out of the way! I am feeling enormously lucky.
The teenager's departure for The Big Trip looms scarily near, and there seems to have been all sorts of mayhem in between.
HOWEVER! I did squeeze in another date, a second date, and I am still interested. Why this is happening to me I cannot fathom; we're talking about an interesting, intelligent and attractive man who has a good job, a nice car and a nice house (I gather) AND a holiday house! I am usually attracted to the mildly bad boys, or the ones that seem not that interested. Still, it's all going slowly but steadily, and he is growing on me. Strangely we are both a bit nervous, but at least can laugh about it. And he wants to take me away once I've got the show out of the way! I am feeling enormously lucky.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Date update
Well I have done it. I have been out on my first date for six months, with a man who appears to like me, and wants to see me again!
Once the teenager recovered from the fact that someone would actually want to take her mother out, she was full of advice. This included a list of things not to mention, such as the cat. I had always assumed the cat was fairly harmless, but apparently not, and the mere mention of him could wreak untold damage on my potentially budding relationship. Who'd have thought it? I was also instructed not to give too much away - what? Then there was the old 'don't put all your eggs in one basket' line. Bless, but there are no other 'eggs' at the moment! And what teenager even knows that line these days???
So, a gorgeous date with a kind, cute, and funny man with an interesting job, and a passion for music. Sounds perfect. He finds me interesting and attractive and wants to go out with me. So why am I feeling unsure? I can't work out whether I've been single for so long that I've forgotten how to date, whether I'm looking for that rush of instant attraction that might later burn out, or whether this might be a better start to something that just might last longer?
I had a lovely time, and have said yes to another date next week, so I guess I'll just keep going and get to know him, and see how it unfolds.
Oh, and as to how we met (re last post), I came up with us meeting at an opening, and on the date he surprised me with an invitation from the exhibition I said we'd met at, with his number on it, as back up! He made a special trip to actually see the show before our date, to help 'authenticate' my story! Sweet!
Once the teenager recovered from the fact that someone would actually want to take her mother out, she was full of advice. This included a list of things not to mention, such as the cat. I had always assumed the cat was fairly harmless, but apparently not, and the mere mention of him could wreak untold damage on my potentially budding relationship. Who'd have thought it? I was also instructed not to give too much away - what? Then there was the old 'don't put all your eggs in one basket' line. Bless, but there are no other 'eggs' at the moment! And what teenager even knows that line these days???
So, a gorgeous date with a kind, cute, and funny man with an interesting job, and a passion for music. Sounds perfect. He finds me interesting and attractive and wants to go out with me. So why am I feeling unsure? I can't work out whether I've been single for so long that I've forgotten how to date, whether I'm looking for that rush of instant attraction that might later burn out, or whether this might be a better start to something that just might last longer?
I had a lovely time, and have said yes to another date next week, so I guess I'll just keep going and get to know him, and see how it unfolds.
Oh, and as to how we met (re last post), I came up with us meeting at an opening, and on the date he surprised me with an invitation from the exhibition I said we'd met at, with his number on it, as back up! He made a special trip to actually see the show before our date, to help 'authenticate' my story! Sweet!
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Dating anxiety
When I first started this blog a few months ago I thought I would be writing more about art and other more esoteric subjects. Ha. Instead I have found a common bonding with other bloggers on the grittier day to day stuff, such as being a single parent, dealing with teenagers, and the seemingly impossible quest to find Mr Right. Who apparently is hiding from us all.
In the last week I had my first date in 6 months, with a man I found through an internet dating website. He’s cute, has an interesting and very respectable job, has children, his own hair and teeth (!) and can play the guitar. So far all good, but I am now in the position of not wanting to tell the teenager about it until I have had a few more dates, and know if we want to pursue this. When there are just two of you living together, there is very little privacy. If someone rings me, I get “who was that?”, and if I get coy she is instantly suspicious. I am trying to remind myself that I am the parent, she is the child, but previous experiences have taught me that any date leads to a barrage of questions, and if there is a whiff of internet attached to it, a smirk of mild derision is included. Hence my coyness.
So now I am left trying to come up with a ‘how I met your mother’ story for my date, whilst feeling stupid about it at the same time.
I don’t want to scare him off with visions of a) some deranged, possessive, bunny-boiler of a teenager, of which she is neither, or b) me being tragically weak and completely ruled by my daughter. My passive solution so far is that in six weeks she will be off travelling for several months, and I will have the time and space to date without this anxiety, and if he is the sort of man I am after he will be patient. Just not sure how to handle it between now and then.
Back to painting – four weeks to show time.
In the last week I had my first date in 6 months, with a man I found through an internet dating website. He’s cute, has an interesting and very respectable job, has children, his own hair and teeth (!) and can play the guitar. So far all good, but I am now in the position of not wanting to tell the teenager about it until I have had a few more dates, and know if we want to pursue this. When there are just two of you living together, there is very little privacy. If someone rings me, I get “who was that?”, and if I get coy she is instantly suspicious. I am trying to remind myself that I am the parent, she is the child, but previous experiences have taught me that any date leads to a barrage of questions, and if there is a whiff of internet attached to it, a smirk of mild derision is included. Hence my coyness.
So now I am left trying to come up with a ‘how I met your mother’ story for my date, whilst feeling stupid about it at the same time.
I don’t want to scare him off with visions of a) some deranged, possessive, bunny-boiler of a teenager, of which she is neither, or b) me being tragically weak and completely ruled by my daughter. My passive solution so far is that in six weeks she will be off travelling for several months, and I will have the time and space to date without this anxiety, and if he is the sort of man I am after he will be patient. Just not sure how to handle it between now and then.
Back to painting – four weeks to show time.
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