Why I paint

At a time when life can seem hectic and focus sometimes elusive, it is my work that returns me to a place of quietude and reflection. In considering the poignancy of small detail, the subtleties of light and the forming of connection, I find my voice and make the work. There are no distinctions or boundaries between my life and my work, it is all connected. It is the everyday observances as well as the extraordinary that influence and inspire me. The child of peripatetic parents, distance and connection have long been both my comfort, and my torment.

Between any two points lies a gap, their distance only defined by their distancing, and within that distance lays their connection.

Within the gap the points may be close, such as is the case with family, self and other, or far, such as in two points in time, but inevitably there is a link. Like most artists, one of the major concerns underpinning my work lies in not only making connections, but in trying to form connections that others might also relate to, and find meaningful. It is the quality I seek most, however for me it is a difficult subject to put into words when painting about it comes more readily. The work I make reflects both ends of my sense of, or search for, connection and filling the void that lies between.

In between I search for the words and images to bridge the gaps, the gap between concept and thing, the physical and the imagined, memory and experience, the intuited and the observed, the tangible and the intangible.

As a source of inspiration in my search for meaning and connection it is the both the phenomenological aspects of light and the ambiguities between our perception of shadow and reduced visibility which produce subtle colouring, and the minutiae and often over-looked poignancy's that I find most engaging, whether it is the physical traces of where others have been, such as the worn-down stone steps at the entrance of a centuries old European church, the ephemeral traces of weathering and time on matter such as the foxing of an old mirror, the lustre of weathered metal, old paint peeling off walls, doors and frescoes, water-stained paper or cloth, rust marks, translucent wax, sagging glass, somebody else's hand print. Traces of others having been, which remind us of our place in an ever changing world. We are connected by what we leave behind. Consider this.

On losing a friend

Shortly after starting this blog I mentioned my local community. My 'hood' and how much I love it. The family I have when I have no other family in this country. On Saturday we lost one of our finest members.

About six years ago D was diagnosed with cancer. The 'hood' rallied round, funds were raised and treatment sought. D pushed through, returned to make my coffee every morning, and continued to be the warm, generous, funny and wise woman that all of us who frequented her delicatessen loved. Great stories of the weekends adventures, late nights clubbing, meals cooked and eaten, local gossip, love-life advice, we loved it all. From time to time she went back for more treatment, but before long she was back at the espresso machine. Until further treatment was no longer an option.

A week ago I went to help celebrate her 44th birthday. It was a huge bash, happy but sad, as D and her guests fought to hold back the tears and laugh instead. To smile, laugh and have fun with the woman we all loved. One week later and she is dead. She lived her life to the fullest, with courage, love and the very best of friends.

We will miss her enormously, always. And I am reminded to make the most of every moment, to treasure my friends and family, and be the best I can be. Now.

On being overwhelmed

I am writing with a bandaged hand and a glass of wine, it's been a long day. Actually it's been a long month.

To keep it short, in this month:

• I've had two solo exhibitions in different cities
• Been short-listed for a major prize
• Featured in a glossy magazine
• Adopted a wild cat
• Spent half the night in ER due to same cat
• Ridden the tsunami of The Teenager's anxieties, daily
• Ditto The Boyfriend's
• Seen very little of my friends
• Had little support from The Teenager's father

It's been a big month and I'm not sure where to begin, but this is a start.

x Sunday

Alive if not active!

I cannot believe it is now almost two months since my last post. Things have never been so hectic. In the past two months I have:

• Handed in my thesis on a topic I barely understand myself, dealing with the subject of spatial perception and connection in painting.
• Presented an exhibition to go with it.
• Taken my beloved, if terminally ill cat (and neighbourhood hero) to the vet only to be told it must be his last day. I cried for weeks (and still do).
• Participated in a fabulous group show with some major artists.
• Lost my favourite dealer and supporter to cancer, and cried some more.
• Been invited to join a new gallery and present a solo exhibition, opening in a couple of weeks.
• Prepared for another solo show elsewhere, also opening in a few weeks.
• Forgotten how to cook.
• Participated in another group show.
• Pretty much lost my social life.

And the list goes on. The Boyfriend (yes, formerly known as The Lodger!) and I are still together despite my manic hours, he seems to be fairly understanding of my need to paint almost every waking hour, and gives me the space I need; The Teenager (not a teen for much longer) tries to be understanding but is occupied with her own life and concerns.

In the midst of all this I am looking down the barrel of The Milestone Birthday. Soon. Very soon. Somewhere between solo show openings lurks not only mine, but also The Teenager's Major Birthdays. Not that I have time to think about it too much right now, but I am afraid, very afraid. Shall I ignore it as I have valid reason to, or celebrate? I don't know!

Finished!

Today I finished my thesis, oh happy day!

13,638 words and two years later, it is done. I hand it in today, and get my life back. Just in time, as The Teenager and The Boyfriend are sick to death of it, and me, almost. Champagne tonight!

More soon,

x Sunday

The Teenager Countdown

In less than 24 hours The Teenager returns after an incredible seven month trip abroad. The calm before the storm, I am bracing myself for her return. I live in hope that travel has broadened her views and expanded her tolerance. Maybe even taught her to appreciate all that she has here at home. We shall see!

The Boyfriend (formerly The Lodger!) appears somewhat nervous as all my friends ask if he has met The Teenager yet, and said helpful things like 'wait until you do'. He is now ensconced in his own apartment, and we will hopefully manage to commute between mine and his. It has been a very long time since I last had a boyfriend 'sleep-over', and will no doubt present new challenges with TT.

The thesis is growing slowly, and I have just been invited to join a new gallery, AND be their exhibitor in a major international exhibition. I am so excited, and it is such a huge honour. The small hitch is that I must inform my old gallery that I am leaving. It has been on the cards, for me, for a while, and this is such a great opportunity.

More from the front-line soon, no doubt.

x Sunday

A brief update

Hello to my two followers (and counsellor, if you are keeping tabs on me)!

I am absent only because I have knuckled down to write, and read, and re-write. My thesis is due soon and I have miles to go. I look forward to having more time to blather and muse once I am finished, but I do enjoy reading your posts.

In the midst of this I have most inconveniently fallen in love, yes, with The Lodger. Fortunately it is reciprocal and all is well.

The Teenager returns soon, in just a few weeks after seven months away, and no doubt there will be many tales of her re-entry and the reconfiguring of our relationship. Not to mention the introduction of The Lodger, from here on known as The Boyfriend!

Until then, I wish you all a fabulous 2010.

x Sunday